WEEK 1200: THE DEFINITIVE DOZEN Give us a wry 12-word ‘Devil’s Dictionary’ entry; plus Hyphen the Terrible neologism winners "In closing": Oratorical flourish meaning "I will now speak 15 more minutes." (Bob Staake/For The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Entertainment November 3 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “Hyphen the Terrible” neologisms) *“In closing”: Oratorical flourish meaning “I will now speak 15 more minutes.” *(Peter Metrinko) *Global warming: Leftist plot to destroy Americans’ God-given right to destroy.* (Mark Naimark) *Historical revisionism: Now the past has been torched by a new generation. * (Phil Frankenfeld) After no one would volunteer to model this hat at the last Loser brunch, the Empress just made a selfie. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post) The Empress can’t quite believe it, either, but The Style Invitational has reached Week 1200 and we’re still here. We’ll commemorate it in our time-honored way: by ripping off an earlier contest. *This week: Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words, *as in the examples above from Week 860 in 2010, when we asked for the same thing, but with the definition exactly 10 words. Two words joined with a hyphen will count as two words. Use an existing term; don’t make up a neologism. *Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1200 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial , the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives this adorable crocheted olive-green ski mask with a multitude of crocheted tentacles curling below the eye holes, a la Cthulhu of H.P. Lovecraft or perhaps an Ood of “Doctor Who.” Donated by John “Ed” Edwards of Surrey, England. *Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug, the older-model “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude” or “Falling Jest Short.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 14; results published Dec. 4 (online Dec. 1). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The “Split Hars” headline for this week’s results is by Danielle Nowlin; the honorable-mentions subhead is by William Kennard. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.** *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *SPLIT HARS: WINNING ‘HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE’ NEOLOGISMS FROM WEEK 1196* ** *In Week 1196, * one of our recurring*“Hyphen the Terrible”* contests, we asked the Greater Loser Community to look through the pages of The Post or another publication for hyphens between two words or within a word (often when a word breaks at the end of a line), and then combine either side of the hyphen with either side of another hyphenated term. The neologisms below are mostly from The Post, though entrants also curled up with line endings from a host of other rags, among them the Hartford Courant, the Boston Globe, the Maryland Independent, the Martinsburg (W.Va.) Journal, the Boone, N.C., Mountain Times and, not to be forgotten, the West Plains (Mo.) Daily Quill. Vive small papers — long may they hyph-enate. 4th place /(hem-orrhoid + mem-oir)/ *Hemoir:* A life story that comes to a painful end. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) 3rd place /(hill-sides + Clin-ton)/ *Hillton:* A hotel where your efforts to check into it are always thwarted by the lady behind the desk. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) 2nd place and the Donald Talking Pen : /(miscon-duct/ + /con-tinued) / *Miscontinued:* Dug a hole and kept digging. “Despite warnings from aides, the nominee miscontinued his sexist remarks.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: /(assess-ment + in-formation)/ *Assessin:* Someone who kills good ideas by saying, “I think we need to study this more.” (Jeff Contompasis) Low-phens: honorable mentions /(ad-dress + en-joy)/ *Ad-joy:* Unalloyed ecstasy seen in infomercials, usually directed at small kitchen appliances. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) /(low-income + ro-mances)/ *Lowmances: * One-night stands at the EconoLodge. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.) /(constipa-tion + in-roads)/ *Constiparoads: * I-270 and I-66 on a Friday evening. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.) /(esca-lation + flash-lights)/ *Escalights: *Rival neighbors’ ever more ostentatious annual Christmas displays. (Jeff Contompasis) /(evangeli-cal + per-functory)/ *Evangelifunctory: * Paying lip service to conservative Christian principles. “Before introducing Mr. Trump, Mr. Falwell made some evangelifunctory remarks about upholding strong family values.” (Duncan Stevens) /(strip-ping + spec-ulation)/ *Stripulation: *“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) /(inflamma-tory + of-fense)/ *Inflammafense:* A huge faux pas, e.g., hooking up with the boss’s husband at the office Christmas party. (John Hutchins) /(Woo-lever, name of a funeral home + low-reaching)/ *Woo-reaching:* The “courtship” of grabbing a woman’s whatever. (Jesse Frankovich) // /(middle-class + pas-sionately) / *Class-sionately:* With great intensity but with civility, as in a debate. /(Obsolete.)/ (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) /(neuro-surgeon + Euro-pean) / *Neuropean:* Le Woody Allen. (Gary Crockett) /(pyro-technic + sym-phonic) / *PyroPhonic: *What Samsung is going to call its new audio system. (Cindi Rae Caron, Blowing Rock, N.C.) /(red-light-cam-era + per-sons)/ *Red-light-camper:* A popular stop with Appalachian Tail hikers. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) /(sin-ister + Sun-day)/ *Sinday:* Every day of the week on the Gomorran calendar. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) /(congres-sional + inves-tigated) / *Congrestigated:* Having had 3,194 questions asked in 33 hearings at a taxpayer cost of $23 million to find zero administrative wrongdoing. (Jesse Frankovich) /(humani-ty + Abra-ham) / *Humani-Ham:* The marketing department rejected this original name for Soylent Green. (John Hutchins) /(ill-informed + technol-ogy) / *Illogy:* An unending series of sickening movies. “The ‘Saw’ illogy isn’t likely to stop at seven.” (John Hutchins) /(disas-trous + as-pirations)/ *Disaspirations:* “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall.” (Jesse Frankovich) /(argu-ment + anni-versary)/ *Arguversary: * A special occasion in which each half of a committed couple swears hearing the other one offer to make dinner reservations. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.) /(wealthi-est + under-way) / *Wealthi-way:* The HOT lanes on the interstate. (Jeff Contompasis) /(Demo-crat + Dem-ocrats) / *Cratocrats:* Class of leaders who lead because they are in the leader class. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) /(di-rector + doz-ens) / *Rector-doz:* A sermon so boring that even the pastor falls asleep. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) /(dis-tricts + de-stroyed) / *Dis-stroyed:* Lost badly trading Mama insults while playing the dozens. (Jeff Contompasis) /(endo-metrial + four-inches) / *Endo-inches:* thisclose (Cindi Rae Caron) /(gro-cery + cam-paign) / *Gropaign:* A great strategy for reaching female voters. (Kevin Dopart) /(laugh-ter + fran-chise) / *Laugh-chise:* The Cleveland Browns. (Duncan Stevens) /(medi-cal + con-tractor) / *MediTractor:* The device used by your former proctologist. (Margaret Welsh, Oakton, Va.) /(millenni-als + af-fordable) / *Millenni-fordable:* A burger, a brew and a basement. (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.) /(Euro-pean + neuro-surgeon)/ *Eurosurgeon: * One of the officials who will perform the Brexit procedure (a.k.a. “Eubris”). (Gary Crockett) /(pop-lar + in-juries)/ *Pop-juries: * Whoever these people are who take online surveys. “According to the pop-jury surveyed by Clickbait Consultants, Americans are greatly concerned that Kanye West was not elected secretary general of the United Nations.” (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) /(Nothing-ness + rock-and-roll) / *Nothing-and-roll: * A sandwich in the All-Gluten Diet. (Mark Raffman) /(sex-ed + Got- terdämmerung)/ *Sex-terdämmerung:* Weinergate. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) (pre-occupation + re-morse) *Premorse: * Feeling bad about something you haven’t even done — yet. (Lawrence McGuire) *And last: * /(toilet-paper + enter-tainment) / *Toilet-tainment:* The Style Invitational. (Duncan Stevens) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 7: Our contest for “questions for terrible people.” See bit.ly/invite1199 . *